all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I touched a dick in church today
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
