This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
