the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
