"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize