i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
