I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
