I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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