morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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