we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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