Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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