I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
