Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
