woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
