so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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