I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
then he tried to convert me to islam
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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