Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
