You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
