Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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