You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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