I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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