well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
