I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
