I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Where is the hickey?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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