I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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