I wish I only lived at night.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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