That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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