even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
