i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
