What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm like, not good at living.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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