i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
