My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i drank out of a bidet.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
