he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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