he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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