covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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