wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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