Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
