His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize