Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize