I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
