It's like God shit irony all over that family
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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