I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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