My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
