p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
