3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Your face is a jimmy john
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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