And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
