i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
