I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
