We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize