Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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