woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
