Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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