Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
