so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
