now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize