the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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