i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize