I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
BRING THE BAGELS
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
