Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
