I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
