i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
