just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You are the jesus of drinking
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