2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
