just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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