the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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