You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
