the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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