...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
