I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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