some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
