He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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